To mean what you say, and say what you mean

This picture is of my two sons sharing a fresh coconut, taken at Paradise Beach, Gokarna, Karnataka, South India.

This place has a huge significance for me. I had malaria when I was here in 2006, and my life was saved by very special people, whom I remain deeply connected to in my heart. 

When I was back here with my family in January 2016, a year ago, I felt the connection vibrate deeply trough me, sometimes in an almost electrical way. 

I feel all of this so clearly inside myself. But now, as I read the above, none of those words have very deep meaning for other people. 

I feel things deeply inside myself and I realise I might not always communicate all those feelings very clearly. Actually, for me, to write is a much easier form of communication than speaking directly with other human beings.

Why? Maybe because I am an introvert, and I take in all outside impressions very strongly, and I need to process all of it in solitude for it not to clog me up and block me completely. 

Maybe it's because in the Human Design System I'm a projector type, which is the type that has quite empty energy centers (comparable to chakras) and who take in others tremendously fast, and gets "filled up" by other people. 

In astrology I have my moon in Pisces, which means my emotions are deep, unreachable, sometimes victim-like, suffering, often drowning.. And I have Neptune in the first house, which makes my personality a bit elusive and flowing and unclear. 

It's taken me so long to get to know myself because of all of the above. To many people it might sound like nonsense- also to me sometimes- but these explanations have really saved me, helped me understand myself, and myself in relation to others. Today I know why I need so much space from others, I know why I need to be alone with myself and my imagination. I get my energy from inside myself. Anything that is outside stimulus drains me very fast and needs to be processed slowly. 

I also now understand that my way of communicating with others has been very unclear all my life, because I wasn't sure why people affected me so deeply, why I could almost tell them what they were thinking. Sometimes I've felt as if I know their feelings better than they know themselves. And it's hard to then pretend over "normal" social circumstances that we're talking about "normal things". 

I have always loathed small talk and huge social gatherings. I like conversations to be to the point, and not last too long. 

I don't like to chit chat. I prefer fewer conversations a day, with more meaning.So this made me unclear, as I wasn't into this "normal" conversation, I just kind of was hanging in between in a space of not wanting to do it, but doing it out of social obligation. Therefore I was never good at it, and I always somehow wanted to please the other, and I just agreed to many things, without thinking why. People-pleasing, for many different reasons. 

In the last few days, I saw so many other people communicating unclearly with me. I got annoyed with them. Both in my personal life and business life, I got unclear messages. People beating around the bush. Me having to read in between the lines. So much words with no substance. 

And it struck me, that usually when I hear someone else complaining about "everybody else is such and such... so and so..." it makes a very clear spotlight on that person itself. We get back what we send out into life. If we are a certain way, we get it all reflected back at us. It's up to us to decide whether we look ourselves in the mirror, or we stay complaining about everyone else. 

Well, I decided that it was time to point the mirror to my own face, and say "why am I complaining that everyone else is communicating unclearly?"

The response I got was obvious. "Take a good look at yourself, lady!" it said. So I did. 

Someone told me not so long ago that "we can all get what we want, we just don't ask for it. We stay complaining and focusing on the negative instead of clearly and with directness ask for what we want."

So I decided to give it a go. I started yesterday. Instead of polite beating-around-the-bush-sentences in business emails, whatsapp conversations and real meetings, I started, without apologising first, to just SAY WHAT I WANT. And the result? INCREDIBLE. 

80% of the conversations cleared up and ended in a way that was favourable to me. Certain things that had been dragging for months, were now solved, because I just said what I wanted, and got a simple "OK" as an answer.

A business matter has yet to be cleared, but in order for it to get to the clearer point, I had to return an email with a series of paragraphs cutting through the bullshit, and saying "by saying this and this, do you mean that and that?" and the answer got us much further towards the truth. 

You SHOULD try this at home!!!